Do you ever feel lonely or confused about where your life is headed or if there is more to you than what you are presently? Being on my own and single for many years, I find myself wondering at times if I am on the right track in life. I have my failings, I make mistakes, and I feel lonely at times. But more often than not, I feel a sense of contentment with my singleness. Being single gives me time to reflect more on my role and purpose in this life. Our society places a great emphasis on not just marriage, but on having someone in your life to “complete” you. Many times, well-meaning friends and family unintentionally make me feel a little bad that I have remained single for so long by urging me to get out there and find somebody! And I struggle with my true purpose in this world.
I believe marriage is a holy and honorable
choice, and I am not saying it is something I am ruling out someday. But it is
not the be all and end all of life. If you are not happy single, where is the
guarantee you will be happy in marriage? It seems the happiest couples are
those who were just as happy single. Marital status or couple status doesn’t
guarantee happiness and contentment. In my quest for understanding personal
purpose in life I have turned to learning more about my role and responsibility
as a woman and what God expects of me to find happiness and satisfaction. I find my thoughts always focus on a specific
kind of woman; a “godly woman” and what exactly it is that makes these women
different from others.; what makes them seem so happy and confident? These kinds of women are my heroines. I want to be like
them…and maybe someday with a little more prayer and attention, will be.
Thanks to some amazing individuals, who have
crossed my path, I am encouraged to persistently use scripture to guide my
thoughts in matters of my daily life, so I turned to the Bible to help me understand
what a “Godly” woman should assume as her role in life, church, marriage,
family or relationships. I have come to
believe if women truly understand their role in this world according to
scripture, she will consequently find happiness and fulfillment in life,
regardless of whether she marries, regardless of her status, and
ultimately find the true essence of womanhood.
This subject turned into a very long and
difficult study, and I pray that my interpretations and assumptions do not
discredit Biblical teachings. What I
have concluded may end up sounding culturally offensive to some, especially to
those who consider themselves feminists, although it is not meant that way. In fact, I believe scripture gives us a truer
picture of the real meaning of a feminist. But before I go any further, I must
let the reader know that I am a Christian, and I follow Christ and his
teachings whole heartedly because my God expects all or nothing from me. To say
I am Christian and not follow His word would make me a hypocrite. I am bound by
His Word.
So what
is a “Godly Women”? I think we all know at least one, if we are fortunate
enough to have them in our lives. Even if one does not consider themselves
Christian, you can still identify this kind of woman. They illuminate peaceful, wise and soothing
qualities, and, by just being around them, you feel in harmony with life;
comforted and able to draw upon their energy for guidance and direction. They are
trustworthy, consistent, and breathe The Word of our Creator in everything they
do. These characteristics are not limited to any particular age, race or
culture…they can be found in the young and old alike. They have assumed the role of a woman as
outlined in the Bible and found peace and happiness in everything they do. These
characteristics also give her courage and strength to weather any storms
and temptations of evil that come her way.
At the
very foundation of a Godly woman’s character is the wisdom of knowing her place
in this world. God created man and woman for very specific purposes. The purpose isn’t what I might write for
myself and the times we live in, but it’s not what we “think” that matters, or
what fits with the times; it is what God commands. The very basis of this thinking is that God
created man to be in authority over women. I realize this is not in tune with
society today. We live in times where individual rights supersede over everything. But two passages that stand out for me are
the following found in the New Testament and written by the Apostle Paul.
1 Tim
2:11-15 “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. Do not permit a
woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. For Adam
was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman
who was deceived and became a sinner. But woman will be saved thought
childbearing, if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.”
Titus
2:3-5, “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live,
not to be slanders or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then
they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be
self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to
their husbands, so that on one will malign the word of God.“
We need
to conduct ourselves in a Godly Manner and be submissive to male leadership. As
a woman of faith, we should develop self-control learn quietly and assume the
role of teaching in a manner to not discredit god. In the role of motherhood,
be it in a personal, church or community family, we can be used to the glory of
our Creator. Even if you are not a Christian, these words emanate wisdom that extends
beyond the Christian religion and that others can relate. I have seen this
definition of the role of women in others faiths and cultures. Many other
traditions in other cultures submit to male leadership first, with women
leading in very specific ways in support of their male leaders.
Many
reading this will not agree with what I am saying. It goes in direct conflict
with some of today’s philosophies. One can find those out there who will take
these scriptures and others in the Bible and explain them in the world’s
thinking. The world encourages everyone to stand up for his or her rights and
desires. Some in the feminist movement promote women’s rights I believe in a
way that constricts and demeans women. In addition, there are men who exploit
scripture and Paul’s teachings, using them to dominate and dictate women in abusive
and evil ways. This was never the intent of Paul. Women are to be treated with
dignity, respected and valued as contributing members of society, and in turn,
men are directed to respect the submission of women by practicing sacrificial
and loving leadership.
In Jesus’
time, women played a large part in His Ministry. In fact, the New Testament
lifted women up in social status as compared to their roles in society before
His time. Some of His closest friends and faithful followers were women.
However, if you study Jesus’ life here on earth, you begin to understand that a
woman’s role was defined in a very specific way that agrees with Paul’s
teachings. Women did minister to and with Our Lord, but never in a way of
leadership of authority such as teaching or preaching. Paul actually had a high
regard for women and their importance in the life of the church. I have read
some arguments that Paul’s instructions were only cultural for his time, and
that they don’t apply to us today. But after studying the writings of others, I
believe it is based more on the principles related to the purpose of the church
and to the principle in the Old Testament that God assigned man the responsibility
of reflecting and demonstrating the “Headship” of Jesus Christ in the church. In
essence, our specific roles, be it in marriage, society or in the church communicate
to others what God wishes to communicate to us. That is to say that in order to
live as The Creator has intended, He uses His church and His law to model how
He wants us to relate to Him. Men, women and children all have a role to carry
out in order to demonstrate this properly. Scripture teaches us that the
husband is the head of the wife and that
God is the head of Christ (Eph. 5:23) One can also read this in Corinthians
11:13 “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman
and God is the head of Christ.”
Jesus
constantly sought the Will of the Father and never acted independently, even
though Satan tried many times to tempt Him into doing so. Jesus brought glory
not to Himself, but to the Father; His submission didn’t imply inferiority, but
equality of the Son and God in a way necessary for the combined action of the
Godhead. It works the same with a woman’s submission to man and does not imply
women are inferior. Instead it implies our submission to God.
The question
we as women need to ask when seeking to fulfill God’s purpose in life is this:
Are you willing to assume the role which God has assigned to you as a woman? Are
you strong enough to find real freedom in what we were created for? To accept
our place means making it our task to first understand the cosmic duty, and
then to find our gifts and talents. If they are not contrary to God’s order,
then do it!! We as women are allowed to glorify God, and we do this by being
the kind of woman He has instructed us to be. The more womanly we are, the more
we can perfectly praise God.
One can see
how refusal to submit to God as the head of our lives in the example of Satan.
He refused to submit, he was not happy with being the most beautiful of God’s
creatures, he wanted to be like God. He wanted the glory. I think we are all
tempted by Satan more than we realize, looking for glory for ourselves,
attempting to be loved and admired by many, and it gets us into trouble sometimes
as we lose sight of our True Purpose. When Satan tempted Eve, he seduced her to
rebel against her assigned role, and to be “like God”. It didn’t work for Eve
then, and it most certainly won’t work for us today. Satan tempts us to rebel
against our roles with the illusion that we can act independently, apart from
Our Creator. This path only leads to enslave us more and can have devastating
effects on our happiness and contentment.
So how
do we fulfill our role in God’s World? How can we bring glory to Him? I know as women we have a lot to offer. I know for sure there are Godly women who bring just
as much if not more to a church or to The Faith than some men. We can find
fulfillment in doing what we are designed to do with the understanding that we
are not inferior to men, but rather subordinates. We have a partnership with
men in ruling over God’s creations here on earth. God Himself said “It is not
good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2: 18) Men are not complete without women,
whether married or not. We were created to complete man, and to help him carry
out his God-given tasks. We help support and submit to men. In turn, men love,
honor and sacrifice for us. Just think
of the harmony in this concept!!
In today’s
society, both men and women are faced with an identity crisis where we really
want to know who we are. Marriage itself has come under fire, as each person
struggles to maintain their identity, and maintain individual rights. Too many
married couples today want all the advantages of married life without the
sacrifices. If couples implement the roles God intended for us, women first
finding their partner’s gifts and talents, and then finding how she can
complement them, they will become “one” as He commanded. A woman will find more
fulfillment and freedom as one with her partner, rather than as two separate human
beings. If you seek to help others find their gifts first, you will in turn
find yours.
As for
single and divorced women like me, we too have very specific instructions from
God. We need model ourselves after the Godly Women in our lives. Use women in
the Bible as examples; use those we see around us and do as they are doing. We
can minister to other women; we can help the sick, the orphans, and the elderly
among others. We can strive for a reputation of good works, assisting those in
distress and “washing the feet of the saints” so to speak. We can shine!! I sometimes feel being single is in itself a
gift. The Apostle Paul, one of my heroes of the New Testament, suggests himself
that being single isn’t nearly as bad as some think. Singleness, like many
other status’ in life come with both an up and a down side…but that is life,
and though Him, we find strength and comfort to overcome even the darkest days.
Bottom
line is this: Single or married; if a woman seeks counsel and guidance from Godly
and mature believers, as well from scripture, she will find true freedom and
happiness. She will live a full life, and one of honor. But most importantly, she
will be equipped with the armor of God, protecting and comforting her in times
of difficulty.
*Photograph
courtesy of Jake Olson Studios, Blair, Nebraska
